Coming full circle...

Well here I am at home all alone. Austin is working today, and my kids are at my parents home for the weekend- so I thought, what a perfect time to update my blog.:) I have to say, I am not a huge fan of being by myself. I never really have been. As crazy as it can get around here, I truly love the commotion and craziness... especially when it is gone. I love my kids so much and although they have only been gone one day, I honestly missed them the minute they drove away. There is nothing like being a mom. (I know I am a broken record when it comes to this)- but I love my family more than anything in this world! What an incredible gift I have been given! My husband is more than I could have ever dreamed. He is an incredible man with so many talents, and he too loves his family. What an amazing blessing! :)

Now that summer has come, and the end is nearing- I am full of mixed emotions. I LOVE summer, like really LOVE it! There is nothing better than being able to have nothing on the agenda but playtime- and we play! We are always going somewhere or doing something and my kids love it just as much as I do. We just fly through the summer- not a worry in the world, and it is perfect. Reality is setting in- and in just 3 short weeks we will be back to the crazy schedules and constantly running here and there. But, I must say, I miss the structure. I like having family dinner at the same time every night and bedtime at 8 o'clock. I love getting up super early and exercising and having things mostly done before my kids even wake up... I think summer gives me the break I need to get myself motivated to get back into the swing of things. Oh, but how I will miss summer!!

So my last post was in June... and as you can tell I was pretty much a basket case. Ok, I admit it- I WAS a basket case. I know, I know, story of my life right? :) I feel that since that time (although it has only been about 2 months) I have truly had some powerful insight and I am working hard- really hard- to be incredibly grateful for what I do have, what I have been blessed with, and the knowledge I have been given. I am coming around. I am proud of myself. I am truly grateful for my trials, which may seem strange- it seems strange for me to even really say that, but I am.

Austin and I had an amazing opportunity to go speak to a group of youth from Payson at their youth conference they had in Delta, Ut. The spirit was strong, the kids were great. It really made me miss working with the youth in the church. Austin did an amazing job, which is so typical for Austin. I love listening to him speak. He is so strong and his knowledge is unbelievable to me. After our talk they went into a testimony meeting that really was so neat to be a part of. Those kids are strong. I don't think they realize their potential, but I don't know how many of us realize our potential either. We were all put on this earth for a purpose. Are we living up to that? I don't think I have. After the meeting all the youth came and hugged us and thanked us, but I really wanted to thank them. They gave me a glimpse of what I missed about myself. One of the bishopric members made a comment to me that has really stuck with me. He said, "Can you even fathom what an amazing person your daughter must be? I think when you get to raise her and really get to know her- you will really be amazed at the person she is." I too have thought that, but this time- someone saying it- really struck me. Kamberlie was so needed- and it was her time to go. She was perfect, she didn't need to be tested- her test was through. What an incredible feeling it is to know that she was mine...that she IS mine. I know I can learn a lot of things from her. I am grateful to call myself her mom, as I am to call myself the mother of all my children. I don't know what has happened in the past couple of months but I feel like I have finally woken up- why did it take so long for me to come to the realization of what this life is? I have known it all along, my baby girl has made it.. isn't that what we are all longing for, isn't that what we are all longing to become?

I am not sure why things have to happen the way they do, or why we have to deal with them the way we do... but in the end, looking back, what an incredible journey of hurting, learning, loving, and growing.   I know tomorrow I could face another set back, it isn't necessarily too uncommon around here, but in the end... I feel like I have made it. I feel like I am finally coming full circle, and I am ready for what is to come. I am looking forward to the future.