Bitter-Sweet ....

Where do I even begin!?  It has obviously been forever since I last shared anything on my blog- and to be perfectly honest, I don't intentionally "not" write, but it does strike a lot of really hard emotions that  are sometimes  better to keep tucked away until I am ready to face them head on...and, I guess today must be one of those days. :) 

September 8, 2004- 

Today my sweet Kamberlie would be turning 7 years old!  Can you even imagine- because I sure can't!   To picture Kamberlie as 7 years old is next to impossible for me.  I look at all the darling little girls that live by us and try to imagine what she would look like, but I just can't- she will forever by my little 3 year old. :)  

So, I have kind of struggled with trying to put into words all the thoughts that have been running through my head the past several days... Sometimes I feel like my blog is just so sappy, but then again (as I have said several times before) this blog is for me and for my dealing with life as it is thrown at me... so I apologize in advance. :)  

I keep going back to the day Kambrie was born and all the excitement and anticipation leading up to the day when I could finally welcome my sweet baby girl in our home!  I was beyond ecstatic!  She was my tiny 5 lb.10 oz. baby and she was beyond perfect! 

Had I known her life here on earth would be so short would I have done things differently?  ...tough question... The first thought that pops into my head is "probably" , but in all actuality I would really hope not- I mean of course there are things I regret doing or in some instances not doing- but I can truly say I did my best!  I loved my babies more than anything else in this world- and I would hope that they knew and felt that!

Fast forwarding a few years later- now Kamberlie is 3, and she was such a joy!  Her little personality was so funny!  She  always looked so girly, but really was so tough. She was my little "tom boy" and I loved it!  I was  so incredibly proud of her! :)  I remember the night before she passed away she wanted to be right by my side. I remember her rolling off of the mattress we were laying on and scooping her little body up and just holding her tight for the rest of the night.  I LOVE that I have that memory... She wasn't one that liked to cuddle or ever let anyone really hold her - she was like that from day one- so to be able to just love her was such a gift.   Little did I know that it would be the only time... 

-SO-

What exactly do we do for her birthday... well- the first year she was gone (her 4th birthday) we still had a family party and had all the aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpas over for cake and ice cream... but we have kind of gotten away from that now and just make it a special day for our little family.  We go to the cemetery where we take pink balloons (her favorite) and each of us tells a story or a special memory we have of Kamberlie and then we let the balloon go- my boys LOVE it!  In fact they look so forward to her birthday every year.  Then, we are gong to come home and the kids will all get a white cake donut with colorful sprinkles (again, Kambrie's favorite )  and then we usually watch her little video that we played at her funeral and after all our tears and random questions from the boys we call it a night- Gosh, sounds depressing- but it really isn't.  It is actually really, really neat.  I love that we take the time to celebrate her life as small and simple as it was. 

Thanks to my amazing little sister Nicole- this is Kamberlies video... Enjoy. :)

Happy Birthday baby girl- oh how I love and miss every single thing about you! 

4 years down... just a lifetime left to go...