"Our Beautiful Family"

Austin & Kim, Staley (11), Kamberlie (would be 9), Stockton (8 ),Taysen (5), Kenzlie (4)

Thursday, January 15, 2009

My handsome little boys....

Stockton & Staley

We have had quite a funny week this past week. My boys always seem to surprise me with the things that they say. We were driving home from the gym the other day and out of the blue Staley says to me," Mom, you know what?"
Me-What Stay
Staley- Can I get married when I am 20, not 21?
Me- No, you'll be on your mission.
Staley- Yeah, mom, I am not going on a mission.
Me- What do you mean? Daddy went on a mission.
Staley- I don't want to serve the Lord mom, I just want to get married. You know what mom?
Me- What Staley?
Staley- Lauren, Mia and Jordan all want to marry me, but I haven't decided which one I am going to marry yet. I really don't want to go on a mission... I just want to get married.
What am I supposed to say to that!? :)

Staley is quite the ladies man. He has little girlfriends at school, church even the daycare at the gym- it is seriously everywhere he goes he finds a girlfriend. In fact one day after one of my workouts I went to get the boys out of the daycare and Stockton immediately tells me how Staley kissed Marli on the lips. When I look across the room to see where he was, he was bending down picking up a piece of paper and Marli just happened to pat him on the butt....how funny is that? He is 5! I am not sure I am going to be ready to face what I have ahead of me with Staley and his ladies.

Now Stockton on the other hand... he is just the little star everywhere he goes. He immediately finds friends even when we are at the store, he makes friends. It is not uncommon at all to hear Stockton say to another child...Hi, my name is Stockton what is yours? Do you want to be my friend? Then he always has to let me know that he has made a new friend. It is so fun!

I have really been blessed with amazing little boys. Of course I have my struggles, but all in all I am very, very lucky!

Stockton stayed the night at The Binks last night. Mary Ann called me this morning and told me that he had a nightmare in the middle of the night and kept saying "Kamberlie died, Kamberlie died...I want my mommy." Of course it breaks my heart when I hear things like this. Stockton was still so little when Kambrie passed away, so I always assumed he didn't really understand because he never really expresses saddness for her. When I heard this it made me really stop and put into perspective (once again) that the veil is really so close. I am sure that Kamberlie is with Stockton all the time, as she is with all of our family. I think he can communicate with her. They were the best of friends, all of my kids, when Kamberlie left. She always looked out and protected Stockton. I remember right after she died, Stockton would constantly be in one of the rooms playing and I would always hear him carrying on conversations. When I would walk in the room asking him what he needed- thinking he was talking to me- he would always say, " I'm not talking to you mom, I am talking to Kamberlie." She is here with us all the time... how I wish I could sense that and be able to communicate with her the same way my kids do! Hopefully in time I will be blessed with the same ability.

For quite some time now, I have had a very strong impression to write about my experience when Kamberlie passed away. I have struggled and struggled with being able to do it. I think I am ready to start. I know this will help my healing, it is a very hard and painful thing for me to do. I still struggle when I watch the funeral video and when I try to take myself back to that week. Even simple memories that I pray I never forget... I cherish...I hold so close to my heart...and I have a hard time keeping myself put together. But it is okay. It's normal. I am so grateful that I had the chance to have such an amazing little spirit, more amazing then I can even understand. My beautiful baby girl is so missed down here, but obviously, she was so needed up there.


  1. Yeah, Kim! I'm so glad you have a blog now. It's so nice to read your update. You are still so missed and very dearly loved over on this side of the tracks, you know. I'm so glad to read that you are getting close to ready to write your feelings and experiences. "Be kind to yourself" my mom would have said. Sometimes I need to remind myself that "healing" isn't "forgetting". It's been 2 years this weekend...goes by fast. You're still in my prayers! Love you.

  2. PS Will you send me another invite to your blog? For some reason they won't let me change my email address on my blog, and since I typed in my new one to accept your invitation, now it won't accept my old one, which is what my blog account is under. Blah blah blah, just send me another one, please, if possible =o) Thanks! Then I will be your follower. Because being your follower would be cool.

  3. Kim- I love the blog, I can't wait to stay more updated. I of course was near tears when I read this, kids are truly amazing. It has been too long since we saw each other. Let's get together soon!

  4. I love you, Kim. So much lies ahead for us and our families. You're the best sister and I want to thank you for everything. Your kids mean so much to Justin and I. Love ya. *

  5. I think it's so neat to read your stories, thanks for inviting me.

  6. Wow Kim!! You have such an amazing family & YOU are such an amazing person! I am glad we have kept in touch-thanks for sharing all of this-hopefully we can get together soon!!