"Our Beautiful Family"

Austin & Kim, Staley (11), Kamberlie (would be 9), Stockton (8 ),Taysen (5), Kenzlie (4)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Everyday Angels....

Okay, I am the worst blogger ever! We are now in May and I have not written anything since the end of January. Where does all the time seem to go?

I have had a rough few months! Whoever said that "getting through the first year is the hardest"- is definitely a whole lot stronger than I am! In fact, it seems to me that the more time passes by, the harder it seems to be. I have done pretty good at figuring out how to cope and deal with the day to day struggles and then a special memory hits or someone does something for me, and I feel like the cycle starts all over again. I am so extremely grateful to so many people who are constantly stepping in and taking care of me. I have been extremely blessed!

Today is Mother's Day. It has actually been a pretty good day. I have to say, I LOVE being a mom! I actually feel really bad for my boys. Looking back on how we "used" to be...I was a dang good mom! I am trying SO hard to be a good mom again! I know things will never be the same, and I know I can't go back to how things were, but I am trying to build lasting relationships and memories with my boys. I hope my kids know how much I love each one of them. I really try to let them know every single day how much I love them, and how much they mean to me! We never know how much time we get to spend here on this earth. I pray I can take advantage of the time I have, and let all the people who surround my world know just how much I love them and how much I value the time I have had to spend with them.

Being that it is Mother's Day, I must say how incredibly grateful I am for my mom! I love my mom SO much! My mom has been right there for me as long as I can remember. In fact, my mom would drop anything in the world to help out one of her children. She has for me on several occasions, and I have seen her be right there for every single one of my brothers and sisters! I feel so blessed to have her for my mom. My mom has a huge heart. She is always doing and giving and serving. I have an incredible example to look up to. She never stops caring, she is the kind of mom that I hope I can be. I think all too many times we take things for granted and don't express or maybe even realize all that someone does for us, until we are in desperate need of help do we take a step back and realize all that we have been given. My mom really is so amazing. I love you Mom thank you SO much for being such a great example!

Time flies by doesn't it? It has been just over a year and half since my beautiful baby girl left this world. Life is crazy, but it is so good too. I love the place we were able to bury Kambrie. I feel like it is the very best place in the whole cemetery. I wanted nothing less than perfect for her, and she got that. It wasn't the most economical thing, but it was right. I love going to the cemetery and the spirit I feel there is amazing. We haven't had the money to pay for a headstone, and I really struggled going there and having nothing there other than a little plastic marker with nothing other than her cute little name written on it. It seriously broke my heart that I couldn't have anything more for her. But, I knew eventually we would be able to have something there... just not yet.

My beautiful baby girl

About a month or so ago, I received a phone call from someone telling me that someone had donated some money to put toward Kamberlie's headstone. (ironic!) I automatically felt so overwhelmed with emotion. Why? Why would somebody do this for me? I felt so grateful and humbled at the same time. I told this man (nicest man ever) we would schedule an appointment to come and meet with him. When it had been a week or so, and I hadn't called him back, he called me again and said, you don't understand- someone has come in and paid for EVERYTHING! It is all taken care of. The cemetery fee, the delivery fee, the headstone, anything and everything you want to do with it.... it is all done. Again, I was overcome with emotion and this time the nice man on the other end of the phone had to hear me bawling and babbling on and on about how I couldn't understand why someone would want to do this for me! The person or people ( I am not sure which) who are doing this, wanted it to remain anonymous. If you are out there and if you just happen to read this.... please know how grateful I am to you! Honestly, thank you so, so much! I know they are just words, and if I knew how to repay you, I would! I am completely humbled and so grateful for this amazing gift! It just doesn't even do justice to simply say thank you. I can't express how much this means to me and my family...Thank You!!

We all have angels constantly looking over us and doing things for us. For me, I feel like I have been given well over my fair share! From the day Kamberlie went missing until now, it has never stopped! Not once! I am so grateful for all those people who searched for my baby girl, who found her, who brought her home and buried her. I am so grateful for all those thousands of prayers that were said in my behalf, and for the prayers that are still being said in our behalf! I am grateful for all the kind words and deeds and gestures that SO many people have done and expressed to us. You would think that after a year and a half people would forget and move on, but they don't. People are still praying, people are still caring and people are still doing.

And all I can do is say Thank You...

1 comment:

  1. y dear cousin, I can't even begin to understand the things that you have been though. I am very sorry for this loss. I know that so many people give you advice, but I would just like to tell you to embrace every emotion that comes to you. I know that life is hard and I can not even begin to think of how hard this must be for you. I remember when I had my miscarriage and everyone kept telling me that everything would be ok and I would get pregnant and it would take the pain away. I was very excited to be pregnant and even more to have my precious son! However, my heart still aches knowing that I lost a baby. I can't even imagen how you must feel. I jsut wanted to let you know that it is ok to hurt!